Robert's Page


Home Page

Chris's Page

Eddie's Page

Tony's Page

Send E-mail


I've been involved in computers as a "hobby" for a few years now. Started with one of Uncle Clive's ZX81s which arrived in kit form all for 50. It worked second time of trying and was sold to a friend to help purchase the ZX Spectrum. The ZX 81 had 1KB of memory yes 1024Bytes and that was combined video and program space. It was the upgrade that had 16KB but I never could afford that. My personal PC life started with a top of the range 486DX 33MHz (i've still got the chip).


I live at Reading Berkshire England , with the wife and three kids.

 One Name Study

I am involved in the Kiff One Name Study which is tracing the genealogy Of all the Kiffs. Although it is mainly concerned with the branch that originates from the London Region.


Chris is my eldest son and this is his web page.


Eddie is my youngest son and this is his web page.


Robyn is my only daughter and the youngest this is a web page about her.


Special High Intensity Training An Interoffice memo from the Boss In General

 WIFE 1.0

A Special Product Evaluation







Special High Intensity Training An Interoffice memo from the Boss In General

Subject Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S H I T). We are now trying to give our employees more S H I T than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your fair share of S H I T on the job, please notify your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S H I T list. All our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S H I T you can handle.

Employees who avoid their S H I T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs for Special High Intensity Training (D E E P S H I T). Those who fail to take D E E P S H I T will be required to partake in Employee Attitude Thirdlevel Special High Intensity Training (E A T S H I T).

Since our managers took S H I T before they were promoted, they are not required to do S H I T anymore as they are all full of S H I T already. However, if you are also full of S H I T, you may be interested in a job training others. If so please apply and we wil ad your name to the Basic Understanding Lecture List for Special High Intensity Training (B U L L S H I T). Those who have the most B U L L S H I T will get the S H I T jobs, and will be able to apply for promotion to the Department of Intensity Programming & Special High Intensity Training D I P S H I T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Team for Special High Intensity Training H O T S H I T.

Thank you,

Boss In General Special High Intensity Training

PS.. I now hope you are now Fully Understanding the Latest Leg OF Special High Intensity Training (F U L L O F S H I T)

  WIFE Version 1.0





 New!!! Wife 1.0 now released


Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes, which are further consuming valuable resources.

No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Beer Bash 2.5, and Pub Night 7.0 are no longer able to run, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 automatically installs undesired Plug-Ins such as Mother-In-Law 55.8 and Brother-In-Law Beta release. As a consequence, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0:

--A "Don't remind me again" button

--Minimize button

--An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long-standing bug, which I should have been aware of.

Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another annoying problem: all versions of Girlfriend continually pop up annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

******* BUG WARNING ********

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before executing a self-un-installation. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system resources.

************** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses, which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.


Most programmes prefer users with a large RAM and CACHE availability.

For the Power User:

Upgrade to HAREM 6.0 with a duel processor to allow for more efficient multi-tasking

Return to Home Page